I’ve completely disappeared. If you follow Broke & Beautiful, the main TD blog, my twitter, or anything else I’m usually exploding all over… You’ll notice that I have completely vanished this week.

Why?, you ask inquisitively (redundant?). I got the most ridiculously amazing job.

I’m hesitant to divulge a bunch of details about it, but just know that it’s pretty much the most ridiculous, strange, unorthodox publishing job that has probably ever existed. Seriously.

So, in turn, getting this job (and quickly moving from running-businesses-out-of-my-home to working-30-hours-per-week-in-an-ornate-office) has… really changed some things.

• Hi, independence. My chapter-long quest to rid myself of co-dependency has finally started to pay off. Getting this job, which has me out of the house at 10am, and in bed by 1am, has given me something other than C to worry about. If he gets a drink after work with friends, I don’t care. I have stuff to do. Didn’t respond to that last text for 3 hours? Who cares? I have stuff to do. It’s extremely empowering to know that my life is no longer so empty that all I have to worry about is my boyfriend.
• What – money? Apparently, when you get a job working for someone else, they pay you in dollars. What is this? Dollars? Monetary value? So foreign to the fledgling business owner. Basically, I have steady income for the first time in over a year, and it’s doing amazing things for my self-worth. Not like I need money to validate my existence, but it sure does feel good to be making a living and paying rent and buying groceries.
• Soundtrack of my life. Every morning, I take a train and a bus to get to work. That means I have a full 60 minutes of free time to sit around on a moving vehicle. I’ve been bringing my mp3 player with me and setting it on my favorite playlist, “Non-trashy Euro Trash”, which is full of music by European musicians. Man, let me tell you – it makes the time pass so much faster. Also, listening to some good, calming-but-empowering music before work makes me feel confident and capable. I highly recommend it.

As for the other parts of my life, they’re going… well, the same. My relationship with C is much improved since I got this job, and we have a date tomorrow! We haven’t had a “date” in months and months.

Body: I honestly haven’t been focusing on my body this week, and I’m totally comfortable with that. For this chapter of Getting Healthy, my body has been the least of my concerns. My mental state was so messed up coming into this that it absolutely takes priority over body stuff. I haven’t been neglecting my body, by any means, but it did enjoy a burrito the side of Lake Michigan and several Advent Calendar chocolates this week.

Earlier this week, I received a new shirt (my first new garment in weeks) and it made me feel AMAZING. I threw it on and glammed up for a stairwell photoshoot.

Yes, yes, the second is ultra photoshopped, but I like it. The shirt is by Champagne Lace, from Mapel.

What is YOUR life soundtrack? I’m interested in experiencing new sounds for a new life!

xoxo – see you next week!

Well, here we are, sitting at the steps of the second half of the second chapter.

Things I have accomplished:

• I have worked out, in some way, every day. Because I am very easily bored, working out is really hard for me. I’ve tried gym memberships (I never go), yoga (okay for about 10 minutes, then I’m distracted), workout DVDs (I dislike working out at someone else’s pace!), and so on. Yes, I am a fickle, fickle lass – but I’ve provided the solution to my own problem, which nullifies my fickle-ness: Dancing in the kitchen. I know I’ve mentioned it a couple times, but dancing in my kitchen is such a great workout. I just put on my favorite dance music and go to town! The next morning, I’m kind of sore (in the great way) and love it!
• Pulled myself out of a deep funk. I was feeling so. incredibly. low. last week. I am not a sad person at all – and that scared me! I had to realize that I make the decisions and choices that lead to the successes and the failures in my life. There’s no use blaming a disease, a person, a time… There’s no point. Where will that get me? Into a big, wallowing pile of self-pity, that’s where. I have no interest in that. I can choose to feel sorry for myself, or I can choose to take control and change it. Guess which one I’m working on perfecting.
• I got a damned job. Yes, finally, after all that searching, I have a job. It’s a very interesting job at a very… unusual place! I’m not sure if I want to divulge details just yet – maybe soon! So this position will get me out of the house as least 2 days per week. Awesome. Now if I can just find some other projects to involve myself in, or friends, I’ll be all set!

I have yet to accomplish:

• Eating regularly, well, and/or on time. My relationship with food has pulled a 180 on me. While I grew up as an emotional eater – sneaking food into my bedroom well past everyone’s bedtime – lately, when I’m feeling stressed, food is the last thing on my mind. Also playing into this is my grocery plan, and how it does not exist. We do not have a set schedule for grocery buying, nor a budget. This has caused, on several occasions, me to be left working all day in a house with Top Ramen and rice. Neither are appealing for breakfast, lunch or dinner – so I just don’t eat, instead. Bad, bad, bad. I’d like to start keeping more fruit around the house, and maybe some quick snacks, like Luna Bars.
• Making friends. My new position only has me working with a few other people – one of which speaks English, so my social circle is still, well, more like a dot. Brienna is my closest friend in the city, but dang – that girl is busy! I want to figure out some way to make friends without being creepy – so I’ve joined a couple groups on Meetup.com in my general interest areas. There’s a meeting on December 20th for a local group of women that I hope goes well! I’m completely open (begging?) for other ideas!
• Created a plan. I don’t have any schedules that I’m following in work, food, exercise… Anything! All I wanted to do this time was have some structure (which would force even more independence upon me, which I need!) in my life that will allow me to reach my goals. I said I was going to work from outside the house more often – I’ve done it once. That, alongside a few more failures bumps in the road, is really pissing me off. Needs to change, stat.

My father is in town this weekend – so excited! As a complete Daddy’s girl, I think that his visit will envigorate me once again, hopefully allowing me to remember that I am my own person, am strong, and am fiercely powerful! All alone over here, it gets easy to forget those important little things…

So, my question for the week:

How do you make yourself feel empowered, unstoppable and ready to take on the world? Music? Shoes? A poem? Tell me!