Kyla: Week Four – Body Image
{Routine Update: I’m changing my goals after hearing about how stretching in the morning can do more damage than good. I’ll update you next week- but the Miracle Ball Method is working!!! I’m not in nearly as much pain as I have been, and I’m a much happier camper.}
The past week I’ve been battling with something that I thought I had under control, and it’s been driving me nuts.
I struggled a lot with my body when I was younger. It’s a long story that would take this post into the 1000+ word range, but suffice it to say there have been many times over many years when I really, really hated my body. After a lot of hard work and time passing I know that I can’t afford to feel anything about by body other than good humor and love, but it took years to get my inner monologue positive. The only thing about me that drives me crazy is when I feel that inner voice slipping back into the negative.
This week, it’s been slipping big time, and I have been tearing my hair out about it. Which I think has probably been, you know, making it way worse. When I was on my honeymoon I saw a trainer for an advanced BMI test and he said that “to reach an ideal weight you definitely need to lose 10 lbs.” and recently it’s been stuck in my head. Having a scale in my house again has been strange and every now and then I feel like I need to just see… and then there’s that number again.
140 pounds. It should be something I’m excited or neutral about, but now I see that it’s ten pounds off of my “ideal” weight. Ten pounds more than my (loving) bird of a husband weighs.
And for whatever reason it’s been really hard to stay away from negative thoughts.
But I love food. I love wine. I love carbs. I’m not gaining weight, I’m just stable here and I have been for a year. And I think that my body looks good at this weight. So my fear becomes, if I agree with the “lose 10 lbs” statement is it because it will make me healthier or because I’m giving that little negative voice in my head power to shape what I see in the mirror again?
I think that I have part of the solution. Stay with me….
These pictures look pretty much the same. They’re taken on the same day, one at work and one at home. I look at the pictures and I see the same thing. But when I’m in front of the mirrors I see two very different things.
At work I see pretty proportions. Confidence.
At home I see HIPS that go on forever, and no boobs anywhere to be seen. I see a mega pear shaped person. I hear the “lose 10 lbs voice” and get into sweat pants.
Do you know what the difference is? Perspective. And I don’t mean that figuratively.
The mirror at my house is right in front of a low dresser that means I have to squeak in right in front of it. I can’t back up, so I’m only a foot and a half away. At that distance I fill the whole mirror, I can’t see my shoes, and I’m up extremely close.
At work I can back up. I can see myself in scale with the room, not filling up the whole mirror from two feet away. I become people sized, and I can get a proper look at myself instead of shuffling in front of the mirror at home.
So I’ve made a few decisions:
- I’m not going to try to lose 10 lbs.
- I’m going to amp up my positive inner monologue.
- I’m moving my mirror.
I am at a healthy weight, and I would only be setting out to do more cardio because of vanity. I’m making the objective decision that while my body isn’t perfect I’m vain enough, thanks. I know myself and I don’t want to fuel that unhealthy inner critic if I don’t have to.
I’m going to start saying 5 things I like about my body, every day. If my inner monologue is weak, I will steam roll over it with my actual voice.
I’m going to set up my mirror somewhere so I can stand back from it and see myself in scale with my room, not taking over my mirror. I think that it will help me maintain a healthy, positive perspective by literally changing the way I view my body. It doesn’t change my body but it changes how I feel, and right now, how I feel about my body seems really important.
How do you keep your body image grounded in reality, but positive?
Have you had an “ah-ha” moment about your body, or body image this week?
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That trainer was crazy-cray. You look fantastic and you don’t need to lose 10 pounds.
you’re gorgeous. inside and out miss kyla. i know the stress that trainers can put on you… mine told me after getting engaged two weeks ago that i need to drop TWENTY. TWENTY POUNDS. i know i’m 5’2, but i do not want to weigh 105 pounds. i’d look like a teenager. ew. it’s hard, but go you for moving above all of that and finding the motivation and confidence to love your body that much more.
I’m so glad you’ve decided not to lose the 10 pounds, because reading the beginning of this and then seeing those photos all I can say is that trainer dude was trippin’! For your height that weight is fine (this may have something to do with me being roughly the same, but hey, I don’t care).
The positive thing…I don’t know. I have days where I feel absolutely crap about myself and wish I could motivate myself to do more (or any) exercise, but I have noticed that the older I get, the more comfortable I am with my body. It’s not going anywhere, you know? This is it. I have to work with it or accept it. I think dressing nicely and feeling comfortable is part of it, but it’s also, for me, knowing that in the long run it doesn’t really matter. Looking back on how I looked ten years ago, when I straight out HATED myself, I can see there was nothing wrong with me. I will no doubt do the same thing ten years from now…so why not just cut out the self-loathing and do it now? Easier said than done, but I’m working on it.
Carrie´s last blog ..Ten Things You’d Hate About Me
The mirror thing is SO true! The one I use on a regular basis is in my bathroom and while it’s a good sized bathroom it doesn’t allow me to stand away from it and see my entire outfit/body so I wind up feeling just like you (though your hips don’t go on forever!). I guess I should change which mirror I look into going forward.
Managing my body image? It’s a combo of exercise to keep myself sane and wearing outfits that make me feel good as well as look good. And sleep! If I don’t sleep I don’t feel so great about myself. Odd, maybe, but true.
Nora´s last blog ..The Weekend: Choirs, Cookies and Cards
Kyla, I loved this post. I love how active you were in analyzing the issues, and I loved how you brought up the mirror and recognized the emotional issues it brought up in you.
Like the others, I think you look fabulous, and I’m glad you shut up your inner critic– keep doing that honey!
As for how I keep my body image grounded in reality, but positive? Honestly? My fella. Because he suffers from the same kind of weight issues I do (loving to eat, being too sedentary, etc.), he can be a great inner critic. He can gently tell me when I’m gaining a bit more weight (or if I am complaining, he’ll say “do something about it” which I hate, but is true); he doesn’t tell me I’m fat, or a cow, or ugly because of it. He’s great at responding to positive changes in my life, reinforcing that I am beautiful anyway I am. Since you’re married, maybe you could talk to your hubby about taking over the role of your inner critic. Not that your body image should depend on his views, but because he’s obviously in love with you & invested in you, he can be more gentle and distant than you can be to yourself.
Ashe Mischief´s last blog ..20 Days of Christmas: A Year of Yes
I am loving this post! I think it was crazy of that jackass trainer to try to tell you to lose 10 lbs. You look fantastic, and as long as you are happy and healthy why should you change?
Vanessa (Last Night’s Leftovers)´s last blog ..My First Giveaway!
Hahahahahahaha “I’m moving my mirror”. Oh, Kyla, I love this post.
My mirrors at home are “skinny” mirrors. Which is a REALLY good thing because I always leave the house feeling like I look smoking – I swear my two mirrors at home take OFF 10 pounds.
And, for the record, I think you look AMAZING and don’t need to lose an ounce.
Amber from Girl with the Red Hair´s last blog ..Icky
Mirror placement IS important. For example, at Payless they mirrors are skewed to make feet and shoes look smaller. I discovered this recently when I put shoes on and looked in the mirror. My size nine feet looked tiny. It wasn’t okay.
I have to remind myself that I am one of a kind, that every part of my body is a part of ME and as a whole I ambeautiful. There are not just parts of me that are beautiful, but it is the entirety of my body and personlaity that make me who I am.
Sometimes I feel too tall and awkward and lanky and then I fix my hair, or put on a pretty outfit (even if it is just my best pair of sweatpants) and that makes me feel better about myself. Is that superficial? Maybe. But it works.
You never told me where I could find this guy!! My fist is still on a mission, with the final destination being his face.
You do NOT need to lose any weight. At ALL. But I know how hard it is not to feel like that – when I dated Dan he was way lighter than me and I felt like a whale. I still don’t LIKE my body – but it’s interesting how the whole work vs. home thing plays out.
At work, I’m the youngest person here, and I’m surrounded by a team of about 30 middle aged women who’ve gone through child bearing, life, and are at places where they’ve had experience and subsequently their bodies are no longer svelt and lean. But I also see how it DOESN’T AFFECT THEM AT ALL. I feel good at work – not because I’m the littlest person there, but because I see all these strong women who have no qualms about how they look at all – they just do their jobs, talk about life, enjoy the day – and it makes me want to be like that. It makes me feel like how I look doesn’t matter nearly as much as I thought it does.
But at home…. it’s different . I watch beautiful actresses on TV; see beautiful people in magazines, see all my old XXS clothes I used to fit and get down on myself that I’m now two sizes bigger. I try and slap myself back into reality and tell myself that doesn’t make me fat – but it’s hard when you hear the voice of the media, your own insecurity, and big fat jerks like the trainer guy.
But I think the more you fill your life with positive messages and try and counter the negative thoughts when you have them, the better – David’s a big reason I’m okay with how I look, because at the end of the day I know I could weigh 200 lbs and still have the same wonderful relationship with him, still have the same skills to do my job, and still have the same personality I do now. As long as you’re doing things to make *you* happy – who cares about the 10 lbs? You’re beautiful, healthy, and lovely. I’m so glad you chose not to lose them
Emily Jane´s last blog ..A Back for the Future
1. That trainer is insane. You look amazing. I’m so glad you’ve decided to ignore his crazy blathering and not loose 10 pounds. And dude, 140 pounds and 5’7″ is totally thin. THIN! You are seriously gorgeous.
2. Yay for food & wine & carbs! (I’ll take champagne instead of wine!)
3. The master bedroom at our condo has a mirror built into door of the linen closet but at our old apartment I set up a full length mirror as a skinny mirror. (Rather than hanging it on the wall, I leaned it against the wall at a tilted angle. Hee)
p.s. And you would obviously still be gorgeous if you gained 10 or 25 or whatever pounds. You are beautiful inside & out!
awww, kyla. you are gorgeous. really. i love how you are changing your perspective. i know that with everyone telling us to “lose weight..lose weight..blah blah” it can be hard to set realistic, positive goals for ourselves. and i think that it’s really great for you to accept yourself as you are. because there is no one else like you. which makes you…the perfect you. if that makes any sense.
anyways. you’re a constant source of encouragement and inspiration to me. you’re doing great!
Lisa´s last blog ..100th.
*pulls face* Why is being healthy always about losing weight? One thing I loved about this project was that your goals were about pain management and being active, not about how many pounds you have to loose. I love that you are NOT listening to the trainer . . . I think you look gorgeous and I think you are BRILLIANT for realising that this is all about perspective. Good for you, hey.
Elly´s last blog ..Christmas Cuteness
Seriously, you are an inspiration. I’m really happy you decided that the problem was your mirror, not you.
BMI is skewed. It doesn’t take into account the many facets of our bodies: bone structure, bone density, hormonal changes over time, etc. Your “ideal” weight is probably an ideal statistical weight, but that’s what’s so funny about numbers: they often miss out on the real person they’re supposed to stand for.
You are lovely. You look great. Your weight has held steady for a year, which means that your body is happy and healthy there. Listen to your body. It knows best.
“I’m not gaining weight, I’m just stable here and I have been for a year.”
This sentence holds the answer in my book. You’re not gaining weight without dieting… this is a healthy weight for your body and you’re able to maintain it. Everybody’s individual weight is different, and I think you know what your “individual” weight is.
If you continue to get good results from the Miracle Balls I’m totally going to order some. Even though postage will probably be millions of dollars
The BMI is dumb. Its only real use is to tell you if you’re obese or badly underweight, and I think you’d know that already if you were.
Do you find that the negative body image voice becomes stronger when you’re stressed in other areas of your life? I read somewhere… perhaps in ‘Fat is a Feminist Issue’, that body image and appearance angst is a socially acceptable outlet for women’s anger and pain, so women commonly take pain from other areas of life where they feel powerless and redirect it into body angst. I don’t know, what do you think about that?
It’s true for me. If I’m happy in other areas of my life, or I work on other areas of my life, often I don’t even think about my body as an object, I just live.
I am so fascinated by your realization that the mirror was the root of some of your perspective problems. Because that is so right on! There are certain mirrors and lighting that make us feel like rockstars. And then there are the “other mirrors” The ones that are hell bent on making us want to stop eating for a month. I’m glad you realized that it wasn’t you that was wrong, it was your perspective! And you are right, you should keep those 10 pounds because you look perfect just as you are.
Steph´s last blog ..Birthdays are for pretty things and smiles
Um, you look amazing! That trainer was dumb. :p
I never even considered mirror perspective.
Because I, like you, feel completely different about my self in one place… than I do in another.
Kudos to you for finding the root of your issue!
You are so smart, Kyla!! I’m so proud of you. Having a realistic/flattering mirror is CRUCIAL for me. And you look gorgeous x 10!!
Laurie´s last blog ..Nothing Awful Lasted Long
Kyla, thank you so much for this post and for sharing your process. It was so insightful and helpful–and you’re right, the most important thing is how we feel about ourselves–why not feel confident?
Way to take charge of that! YOU know how you feel and what you need better than a trainer. If you’re making healthy choices (you’re a vegetarians! you’re unbelievably aware of your own body!), then the size and shape will follow exactly as it should. You are a beautiful woman and I’m loving following this journey of yours.
Doniree´s last blog ..Social Media and the Yamas
What a great post! I have one of those small mirrors in my room and not enough room to back up, and take in the entire picture.
Seriously- so well put.
Thank you!