I’ve realised that most of the things that are stopping me from eating and exercising properly right now are emotional in nature:

• I have had conflict with friends lately
• My family is a bit more stressful than usual
• My beloved cat has been sick
• Money has been very tight
• My room and lounge room look like a rubbish dump and I feel oppressed by the piles of stuff around me
• Boyfriend has been very stressed, and unable to support me in the way in which I’ve become accustomed (rather, I’ve been trying to support him)

All of these things make me feel tired and overwhelmed, and all I want to do is lie down and do nothing, forever. Hardly motivating.

The solution? Do The Work.

I wondered when I would write about The Work here. It was only a matter of time, really, as it’s one of the most important things in my life, and I’ve been practicing it for almost four years now. The Work is the only thing that has helped with my anxiety disorder. I can defuse a panic attack and prevent another one in 10-20 minutes using the Work. My anxiety is now a quarter of what it was. But you certainly don’t have to have a mental illness to benefit from the Work.

What is The Work? The Work is a way of systematically examining thoughts that give you pain. The premise, and it’s not a new one, is that all suffering comes from the story you tell about what is happening, and that believing your stressful thoughts is the root of all pain. It was developed by a woman named Byron Katie who had very serious depression. One day she woke up to the Work, and she now shares it with the world.

To use The Work, you sit down quietly with pen and paper, and write down the main painful thoughts that are rolling around in your head. Then you apply the following four questions and what’s called ‘a turnaround’ to each thought.

1. Is it true?
2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do I react when I believe the thought?
4. Who would I be without the thought?
Turn it around.

To show you how it works, I’ll Work through an example. Say the thought you were struggling with was ‘Boyfriend thinks I’m ugly’.

1. Is it true?
To answer this question, you get very quiet, close your eyes, go within, and listen to the voice inside you for the answer. You don’t try to justify the answer in any way, and the only acceptable answers are ‘Yes’, ‘No’, and ‘I don’t know’. The right answer is whatever feels true to you.

Yes, Boyfriend thinks I’m ugly.

2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?
To answer this question, you might ask yourself, “Can I absolutely know beyond all doubt that Boyfriend thinks I’m ugly?”, “Can I really know what Boyfriend is thinking?”, “Is it possible I misinterpreted what he said?”, “Can I know more than God?” Again, the only acceptable answers are ‘Yes’, ‘No’, and ‘I don’t know’.

No, I can’t absolutely know that it’s true that Boyfriend thinks I’m ugly.

Then you sit with that for half a minute or so. You can’t really know that Boyfriend thinks you’re ugly. Maybe he doesn’t. Wow.

3. How do I react when I believe that thought?
To answer this question, you consider how you feel when you believe that Boyfriend thinks you’re ugly, both emotionally and physically. Then you think about how you act, how you treat Boyfriend, how you treat yourself, and you write it all down.

When I believe that Boyfriend thinks I’m ugly, my chest tightens up. I cry and cry. My heart pounds. I feel devastatingly ugly, I feel like I’ll never be happy. I go to the fridge and binge on chocolate. I look in the mirror and feel disgusting. I feel absolutely livid with Boyfriend. I snap at him. I call him a jerk, and a bastard, in my head. I call up my friends and we say unkind things about him. I avoid his calls. I think about leaving him.

4. Who would you be without the thought?
To answer this question, you imagine that it is not possible to think the thought ‘Boyfriend thinks I’m ugly’. You close your eyes, and think of your life exactly as it is, only you are not able to think this thought. It’s especially important to imagine whatever it was Boyfriend said that sparked this thought, without the thought. Describe what you see.

I feel light and happy. I see that Boyfriend was just putting his foot in his mouth as usual, which I find so endearing. I feel so much love for him. I feel strong and confident, I feel unshakeable in my confidence. It feels amazing.

Turn it around
To me this is the most interesting and powerful part of the Work. You manipulate the words in the original thought to investigate other possibilities. You can turn the statement around to its opposite, to yourself, to your thinking, and to the other. After you turn the thought around, it can be useful to find three ways that the turnaround is as true or truer than the original thought. Note that in this part you’re not being asked to give up your thought, only to explore other possibilities.

Boyfriend thinks I’m beautiful

1. He sneaks adoring looks at me when he thinks I’m not paying attention
   
2. He keeps a photo of me by his desk
3. He’s in a relationship with me!! He wouldn’t be if he thought I was ugly!
   

I think I’m ugly
This is much truer. I interpreted what Boyfriend said through a filter. I already think I’m ugly so I looked for evidence to support that. It’s really only my own opinion that matters, anyway. If I was convinced that I’m beautiful, no-one could make me feel ugly.

I think Boyfriend is ugly
If I’m really honest, I don’t think Boyfriend is 100% attractive 100% of the time, especially when I’m feeling annoyed. It doesn’t mean I don’t find him drop-dead gorgeous 98% of the time, and it certainly doesn’t mean I don’t love him. It could be the same for him.

My thinking is ugly
Yes. It’s only my ugly thinking that’s upsetting me. I will examine my thinking more with The Work.

Here is a video of Byron Katie facilitating the Work with a woman who thinks her body is too fat. This is only the first part, the other parts are also available on YouTube.

In other news…

Exercise
I’ve been walking a LOT. Yesterday I walked or stood for six hours because I was shopping with a friend in the city. However the main thing I need to work on is muscle strenghtening and building, because many of my issues are muscular in origin. So I need to focus on that this week.

Eating
To be completely honest, I didn’t do what I planned in my last entry (meal planning, setting alarms), but I have stopped skipping meals, and I’m eating much more sensibly than I was last week. Once I deal with some of the emotional stuff, I think it’ll be easier to get my eating in line.

What do you do to deal with scary thoughts and feelings?